My Teenage Years, Vol. II

Due to popular demand, here is another excerpt from one of my adolescent diaries. And when I say ‘popular demand’, I mean people keep telling me they want to laugh at me more.

Below is an entry I wrote on my first day of Year 11. It’s titled: ‘I am 16 and I have issues and the world judges me and fuck off while I listen to a bit more Hole and wear hoodies and too much eyeliner’.

Wednesday 2 February 2000

7.38am

I’m sitting here way too early for school but extremely comfortable, listening to my walkman*, and the only person here is Kate Wood, who everyone hates but me. I just find her slightly annoying… and here she comes to annoy me. I HATE PEOPLE SITTING NEXT TO ME! God I hate pretending I want to spend time with people when I just want to be ALONE! I’m just not going to talk to anyone this year. Hopefully this’ll stop really annoying people talking to me when I couldn’t care less if they flung themselves into oncoming traffic.

…

It’s now 8.28am and I’m sort of wishing someone else would come because I don’t want to talk to Kate because she smiles too much.

Am I serious? Am. I. Serious? That’s the end. Clearly I was a tortured soul. Was the term ’emo’ coined because someone met me at this very moment? I’m pretty sure the term ‘utter idiot’ was.

*Walkmans rock.

Fun in the Library with Helen

I am sitting in the Dome Room at the State Library with Helen, and it’s very pretty and we’re discussing blog hits. But quietly, because it’s the State Library and the Dome Room and you have to be really quiet when you’re in here and pretend you’re all scholarly…

I have decided to pretend to repost this. I am not really in true life, but my research so far has shown me that when the terms ‘porn’, ‘nude’, and ‘naked’ (the three most popular so far*) are searched for, a post entitled ‘Midget Hookers Make Me Popular’ will probably not receive as many views as the more ambiguous, yet still truthful, ‘Fun in the Library with Helen’. I should probably change Helen’s name to something like Tiffany, but I am all about the truth here.

Let’s see what happens. I have also added more naughty tags. I draw the line at reeeeeally naughty, cos my Mum reads this, but I think there are sufficiently naughty ones there to suffice. Is using ‘sufficiently’ and then ‘suffice’ in one sentence completely wrong and pointless? Probably.

* I am somewhat disappointed that the tag ‘chocolate self saucing pudding’ hasn’t had any hits so far.

Midget Hookers Make Me Popular

I am sitting in the Dome Room at the State Library with Helen, and it’s very pretty and we’re discussing blog hits. But quietly, because it’s the State Library and the Dome Room and you have to be really quiet when you’re in here and pretend you’re all scholarly.

This is where we are. See all those scholarly people? Yeah, we’re pretending we’re one of them.

So we’re discussing blog hits, and how to generate them, and what makes people who are not your friends and immediate family look at your blog and it all comes down to the TAGS people.

So Helen and I are going to do a little experiment. I am going to proceed to tag this post with every weird and sexual thing, between us, we can think of, and see what happens.

The two of us are all about the research.