Last night, while very stoned, I decided to write notes while watching the awesome 80s cinematic triumph, Labyrinth. I would like to share these notes with you.
David Bowie is fucking awesome. This is a movie. I mean his movie.
Now, it’s either fake rain, or really well timed rain. Did they have technology in 1982?
The background of her house looks like a slum. SINCE WHEN!?
WTF, I had a dream about a dancing girl like a SECOND AGO. Like a few days ago or something.
2nd beanie shot is SO in fashion.
Wow, they KNEW she was going to wish. How did they KNOW.
Toby stopping crying and the scene following is in the top 10 terrifying moments of cinematic history.
AS IF THIS IS RATED G!?
Nice vest Sarah.
The maze has the same consistency as the cookie in Honey I Shrunk the Kids! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
That fairy is so pretty.
The fairies aren’t evil! They’re insects!
Sarah says her name so fucking retardedly.
Shut up Sarah you fucking retard.
OMG! Wtf eyes on stalks that sound like the aliens from Toy Story!
I like the first leg of the labyrinth, before she finds the corners and the worm. The snaily twig bits with moss.
Nic says why doesn’t she climb the wall. Yeah! Why doesn’t she just climb the wall!? Is she fucking joking? YOU’RE RETARDED SARAH!
Why do you still love the worm, even though he sends her the wrong way?
Bowie’s riding crop. Jesus. THIS IS SO AMAZING.
Nic: His haircut is off the charts.
Do you think they tested heaps of colours of lipstick to see which showed up the best?
Toby is smiling! He’s going to the other side! He’s getting that I love my kidnapper syndrome! Like that Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanston movie. Where did she go??
This is so fucking clever. The door guys with the lies. I never worked out Sarah’s questions logic. That wasn’t quick maths.
WHY WOULD YOU GO DOWN!?
She hasn’t even got that far David. It’s like she’s been in there 10 minutes. Calm down Goblin King.
This Hoggle is an obsecenely well designed puppet. I can emote with this puppet!
This scene is like Return to Oz! Is this scene in Return to Oz? I swear it is. The exact same scene but with Dorothy in it.
Brilliant delivery David!
AMAZING jacket worn by Bowie.
Deliberately unlikeable characters. Fascinating for a children’t movie. Wouldn’t happen now.
Since when were the goblins Spanish?
Why is Ludo so retarded? His fur is a nice colour though. Oooh, I get it. It’s like Ludo has asbergers, but a friendly asbergers person. Like a really cute Down Syndrome kid.
One of the doorknobs looks like my Grandmother.
Omg, Ludo is actually so cute, his face is like a kitten’s.
Snow globes are so fucking weird.
These red goblins are a childhood breakdown waiting to happen. Are you joking Jim Henson? How are 80s kids all not seriel killers after watching this movie?
THIS SCENE IS FUCKED.
He can calling fucking rocks. Are you joking?
Out of all the dogs, why the paint dog? The dog in the ads about paint.
How good is being a fox and riding a dog around.
What the fuck is with the peach. She is TRIPPING.
What is actually going on in this insanely weird scene? He roofied her brain. This is mental rape. What the hell scriptwriters!?
You are SO HIGH Sarah.
What has happened to the plot?
Maybe the dog died.
That’s a fake dog. The dog must have died.
The pilot in the transformer looks like an ewok.
Hoggle just sounded like Luke Skywalker.
No seriously. The goblins are Spanish.
Those goblins are dressed like Mongolians. Whhhhhy, do they have a machine gun?
The fox is still riding the dog. It’s so good.
The dog has SO died. It was real before.
David Bowie on the stairs looks like Judge Doom when he gets steamrolled in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. What the fuck.
Toby is the Trainspotting baby.
Sarah sure floats a lot in this movie.
BELTING OUT THAT OUTFIT DAVID!
Why are goblins at the end of the movie party? They were at WAR.
This is the best movie EVER.
~ Fin ~