The other day I was being totally chic on Acland St with a friend of mine, lamenting the lack of gorgeous men in our lives, when all of a sudden, just to prove us wrong, a Gorgeous Man rides past us on his bike.
The utter honey-ness of this guy was such that whatever conversation we were having at that point was completely abandoned mid sentence as we stared at him with our jaws dropping, going so far as to turn our heads in sync to follow his path as he rode around the corner. We must have looked pretty damn stupid, but evidently noticeable, because before he disappeared he flashed a beautiful and brilliant smile before vanishing from our lives forever.
That’s right. Vanishing From Our Lives Forever.
We didn’t understand. We had smiled. He was all responsive and smiley back. So the next step for him was to obviously park his bike, buy us drinks, tell us about his work as a fireman, and then introduce us to his identical twin brother we knew he must have stashed somewhere.
WHY HADN’T HE DONE THIS? Was he stupid? We were so obvious we may as well have had a flashing neon sign that played a jaunty tune and declared in twinkling lights like a Christmas Tree, ‘Yes! We WILL sleep with you!’ while we danced naked on either side of it.
Then we realised. He wasn’t smiling at us. He was laughing at us.
“He is not really cute. He is cute in a way that ugly people are when they have an awesome personality.”
Wisdom in St Kilda
If you live in Fitzroy and think you’re cool, and let’s face it, if you live in Fitzroy you think you’re cool, you must read this blog:
Hilarious. It’s premise* is to make fun of us. By ‘us’, I mean the white people in Melbourne who drink lattes and hate Chapel St and have blogs and go and see bands that no one has heard of. It’s pretty fucking awesome.
For the record, I don’t know if I’m on the threshold of being the right kind of white person for Melbourne, or I have surpassed it completely with my coolness for the following reasons:
1. I live in Collingwood, not Fitzroy. But I do live in a tiny single fronted terrace that I do tend to boast about re: it’s tinyness.
2. I have never been to South America, or backpacked around Asia, but I have road tripped across the midwestern states of America and am saving up to do the Deep South.
3. I don’t like coffee.
4. I study creative writing, not film.
I think I need to ask Ben, author of said blog. Do the above points make me inferior to the average North-side-of-the-river-dweller, or I have I taken it to a new dimension? I probably should add point 5:
5. I am moving to East St Kilda. The Windsor end.
* The word ‘premise’ is another wanky word that I suspect the white people Ben is talking about in this blog like to use.