I have a new boyfriend. His name is David. He doesn’t know he’s my new boyfriend, but I’m pretty sure we’re going to be super happy together. I always thought it would be a bit embarrassing to meet the love of my life on the internet, but that was before David. My new boyfriend. If you want to get to know my boyfriend, click here: http://www.27bslash6.com/index.html.
David Thorne writes The Funniest Blog On The Entire Planet. I realise this is a fairly sweeping statement, I mean, I haven’t read all the blogs there ever were, but it’s GROUSE. Yeah, I just said grouse. I’m bringing it back. I think rad is a bit too hipster mainstream now, so I’m going with grouse. When everyone starts using it you know I did it first. In fact, I’m pretty sure I started a lot of things. I distinctly remember someone telling me I looked like I was ‘stuck in the 80s’ when I wore high waisted skinny jeans to my 20th birthday party. Which actually was pretty mean considering it was my birthday. I mean, I did look like I was stuck in the 80s, but that’s not the point. Assholes. My POINT is that same person was wearing them 6 months later because Cosmopolitan told her to. Cosmopolitan must have seen me wearing them.
I’m also predicting t-bar school shoes will make a big hit outside of a school uniform thing.
Anyway. Go and check out my boyfriend. He’s totes grouse. (see what I did there?) and I also think I have a girl crush on the chick on the front of his website. This is her:
I kinda want to be her.
Jamie Bamber as Archie Kennedy in 'Hornblower'
This is Archie Kennedy. He looks a bit sick here, because he’s just been shot, (very romantic stuff) but he’s really, really, really, really my Dream Naval Warfare Boyfriend.
For those of you who don’t know, Archie Kennedy, played by Jamie Bamber, is a character from the TV series ‘Hornblower’. It’s about the adventures of a guy called Hornblower. Which I agree, makes sense. However, I am proposing a new title that goes like this: ‘series about a guy called Hornblower, who starts off really hot, but then he gets a bit uptight and a little anal, and then all of a sudden his not so hot but so much more sex appeal BFF gets hotter.’ Cos that’s pretty much what happens. Hornblower is a guy fighting for the British against the French in 1802 and some years after that, and he’s on a ship and he’s an officer and pretty important and his bestie is Archie Kennedy who isn’t as important in terms of the ship’s ranking, but so much more awesome. Kinda for the same reason why you would much rather go out for a beer with Harry rather then Wills, even though Harry is a ranger. But everyone knows I looooove rangers.
And Hornblower is busy being all important and shit and Archie is just kicking back being totally hot. And it helps he’s in a uniform. It also helps he gets all hot with a sword and pistols and stuff. And that he’s on a boat. I mean, Hornblower is on the boat too but whatever. I have this thing with boats. Don’t know what it is but I kinda love them. Only the ones with sails though. This brings me to my Dream Historical Naval Warfare Boyfriend Runner Up:
This is Joseph Morgan. He played the sacrificial lamb, aka William Warley, in ‘Master and Commander’, a film dedicated entirely to boys on boats. It killed me. Boys. On. Boats. It was like my very own little porn made just for me. But a classy one. With no actual nudity. I love Joseph Morgan and I want to have his babies a little bit. Whether he’s in a boat movie or not.
Image of Husband No 1 from: http://historicromance.wordpress.com
Image of Husband No 2 from: http://www.talentedbritishactors.co.uk
Alexander Skarsgård as Eric Northman in True Blood
Eric is hot because he is mean. He is HOT and mean. He is smooth talking, sarcastic, suave, cheeky, and basically a Bad Man. He also oozes sex appeal and he is the type of man a Catholic schoolgirl would have rape fantasies about. Eric is hot because he is the creme de la creme and could seriously fuck up anyone who kinda pissed you off. Essentially, he can ‘protect and look after.’ But it’s the Mean. Why do girls like Mean? Why is it, when you put some Mean onto some Hot all of a sudden you have a knicker tingle like no other?
Eric also can cry in a very manly way. That’s the same kinda hot as being good with kiddies. RE: Rhett Butler.
Eric is a blood-sucking, pasty white vampire. He can also fly. HE CAN FLY. It’s like dating Superman’s hotter, more badass, younger brother. And everyone knows younger brothers are hotter then the older brothers. It’s a Known Fact.
RUNNER UP: LEGOLAS from LORD OF THE RINGS
Check out that bow and arrow action. Sure, his hair is all pretty and kinda gay but whatever. Did you see the bit where he flipped on to the horse that time? Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Alan Rickman is SEX
He has a voice like caramel and summer night thunderstorms. SWOON.
“I’m riding you with a slack rein, my pet, but don’t forget that I’m riding with curb and spurs just the same.”
– Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind
Clark Gable as Rhett Butler
Rhett Butler is hot cos he knows about lady things without being totally gay about it. He’s also so hot because he doesn’t take Scarlett’s shit and I’m pretty sure he would be an awesome Lover. That’s right – LOVER. You can tell cos there’s this bit in the book where Scarlett’s all like, sex is some bullshit thing that we Southern ladies have to endure (but in a more ladylike way somewhat) and then she has a Night Of Passion with Rhett and she’s TOTALLY down with The Shag.
Rhett is also hot because he gives the finger to all the uptight Southerners and gets rich and is good with kiddies. He rocks. I wish he was real and totally my boyfriend.