Tag Archives: porn

Sweet Valley High Cover Art Interpretation Vol. I

In which we explore the cover art of #4 Power Play and what we think it might represent.

Three words: Twin. Sister. Porn. Obviously Jessica and Elizabeth are about to make out. There also may be a little bit of stimulated rape going on because Jessica looks slightly apprehensive. Although everyone knows that Jessica is all tease and no tickle so maybe it’s real rape and this is something she’s truly not on board with.

Elizabeth, on the other hand, is clearly going in for the kill. She’s awfully pouty.

Of course, another interpretation of this cover is that Elizabeth wants to spit on Jessica for her appalling feathered fringe and flannelette combo, but I doubt it.

WHAT THIS BOOK IS ACTUALLY ABOUT:

Elizabeth and Jessica in a tug of war…

Chubby Robin Wilson has been following Jessica around for months. First she wanted to be her friend—now she wants to join Pi Beta Alpha, Sweet Valley High’s snobby sorority.

When Elizabeth, Jessica’s twin, nominates Robin for the sorority, Jessica is furious. Robin may be friendly and smart, but she’s certainly not beautiful or popular enough to be a Pi Beta. Jessica’s determined to find a way to keep Robin out.

But Elizabeth is just as determined to make Robin a sorority sister. Soon the twins are locked in a struggle that develops into the biggest power play at Sweet Valley High…

Okay, sororities back up the first interpretation, otherwise it’s evidently a different book from what the cover suggests.

I would like to point out that Robin goes on to lose about 100kgs in about, oh I don’t know, three days, and becomes popular. Ah Francine, giving the fatties the message they so clearly need. Or not.

Image from 90’s Flashback.

Advertisements

Fun in the Library with Helen

I am sitting in the Dome Room at the State Library with Helen, and it’s very pretty and we’re discussing blog hits. But quietly, because it’s the State Library and the Dome Room and you have to be really quiet when you’re in here and pretend you’re all scholarly…

I have decided to pretend to repost this. I am not really in true life, but my research so far has shown me that when the terms ‘porn’, ‘nude’, and ‘naked’ (the three most popular so far*) are searched for, a post entitled ‘Midget Hookers Make Me Popular’ will probably not receive as many views as the more ambiguous, yet still truthful, ‘Fun in the Library with Helen’. I should probably change Helen’s name to something like Tiffany, but I am all about the truth here.

Let’s see what happens. I have also added more naughty tags. I draw the line at reeeeeally naughty, cos my Mum reads this, but I think there are sufficiently naughty ones there to suffice. Is using ‘sufficiently’ and then ‘suffice’ in one sentence completely wrong and pointless? Probably.

* I am somewhat disappointed that the tag ‘chocolate self saucing pudding’ hasn’t had any hits so far.

Midget Hookers Make Me Popular

I am sitting in the Dome Room at the State Library with Helen, and it’s very pretty and we’re discussing blog hits. But quietly, because it’s the State Library and the Dome Room and you have to be really quiet when you’re in here and pretend you’re all scholarly.

This is where we are. See all those scholarly people? Yeah, we’re pretending we’re one of them.

So we’re discussing blog hits, and how to generate them, and what makes people who are not your friends and immediate family look at your blog and it all comes down to the TAGS people.

So Helen and I are going to do a little experiment. I am going to proceed to tag this post with every weird and sexual thing, between us, we can think of, and see what happens.

The two of us are all about the research.