Sweet Valley High Cover Art Interpretation Vol. II

Jessica: How dare you say that about me Lila! I’m gonna slap you! See how my hands are on my hips and I am jutting my jaw out that is so sharp it could cut you up? This is a prime pre-slapping stance.

Lila: I’m sorry Jess. But it’s true. You have Lego Man hair. Even though it’s like, long and wavy and shit, it’s totes Lego Man.

Jessica: Your hair is stupid.

Lila: My hair is beautiful except for this weird bit coming out of the side of my head. I don’t know what’s up with that.

Jessica: I don’t know what’s up with your face.

Lila: Shut up. You know you really should have worn a bra today.

Jessica: Shh! I wasn’t expecting to be drawn with breasts on this cover. Its never happened before. Everyone knows that the population of Sweet Valley was bred without anything that can be mistaken as ‘naughty parts’.

Lila: Then why have you undone all of your buttons? You’re such a skank.

Jessica: You’re jumper looks like it’s from the Salvo bin.

Lila: You’re out of the Salvo bin.

Jessica: You’re gonna get so cut up by my jaw in a minute.

WHAT THIS BOOK IS ACTUALLY ABOUT:

More then she bargained for…

When Lila Fowler’s mysterious new boyfriend finally appears at her pool party, Jessica Wakefield is dazzled. Jack is handsome, sexy and exciting—even more perfect then Lila described him. So Jessica wastes no time making sure he notices her, too.

Unknown to Lila, Jack dates both girls—Jessica during the week and Lila on weekends. But the sight of Lila’s happy face on Monday mornings is more then Jessica can stand! Jessica’s twin sister, Elizabeth, warns her to drop Jack before she really gets hurt. But Jessica would rather get Lila out of the picture. Then Jack will be hers—all hers.

BOM BOM BOM!!!

It sounds like Jessica is going to bump Lila off. But NO! It’s Jack who’s the crazy serial killer! SURPRISE!!!!! Luckily Jessica gets saved from knife wielding Jack at the last second by the boring twin. And Lila and Jessica laugh at how silly they were fighting over some boy. Vomit.

Image from: The Closet.

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One response to “Sweet Valley High Cover Art Interpretation Vol. II

  1. *SPOILER ALERT
    The first book I read that I actually made me cry was ‘Winter Carnival’ where Jessica dies. I too believed that Jessica had died and was devastated, but then it turned out to be just a dream, Elizabeth’s own nightmare. Classic.

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